Mental Load: The Invisible Burden That Exhausts Us

Let’s be honest: When was the last time you really tuned out? Not just putting your phone away for a moment, not just running a quick bath—but truly letting go? For many women, this isn’t a rhetorical question. It’s one that makes them think long and hard. Or find no answer at all.

But that’s exactly the point. Because what many dismiss as a personal weakness—this constant exhaustion, the feeling of never really being done, of never really arriving—has a name. And a reason.

What Mental Load Really Means

Mental load isn’t just stress. It’s the invisible work that never stops in your head. The planning, the organizing, the thinking ahead. Who has school tomorrow? What’s missing from the fridge? Did someone cancel the doctor’s appointment? When does the form need to be sent out?

These thoughts run in the background, alongside work, alongside family, alongside everything else. And they mostly run through women’s minds. Not because women want it that way. But because that’s how it’s become ingrained. Socially, structurally, and often completely unconsciously.

The tricky thing about it: You can’t see it from the outside. And because you can’t see it, it isn’t acknowledged. Neither by others nor by ourselves.

The mode of operation that’s eating us up

Work, family, household chores, social obligations—and somewhere in between, there’s supposed to be “me time.” Sounds nice in theory. In practice, many women just keep going. Because there seems to be no other option. Because someone has to get it all done. Because you don’t want to complain. But this mode of functioning comes at a price. Eventually, the body makes itself heard. With sleep problems, with irritability, with the feeling of living behind glass. With exhaustion that no vacation can shake off.

And then there’s social media. That endless stream of women who seem to have it all—the perfect job, the perfect kids, the perfect body, the perfect life. The pressure to compare ourselves is real. And it affects us, even though we know it’s all just a snapshot.

Warning signs we ignore too often

When does it become critical? When is it more than just a stressful daily routine? A few signs that should be taken seriously:

• You’re getting enough sleep, but still feel constantly exhausted

• You hardly look forward to things that used to bring you joy

• You’re functioning, but you’re not really living

• Kleinigkeiten bringen dich zum Weinen oder in Rage

You feel invisible, even to yourself

These aren't signs of weakness. They're signs that your system is currently under more strain than it can handle.

Why women are affected so often

Depression affects womentwice as often as men. This is no small matter, but a structural problem. Hormones play a role, yes. But so do societal expectations to always function, always be available, always be there for others—and to put one’s own needs on the back burner.

On top of that: While women do talk about their feelings more often than men, they rarely do so in a way that actually asks for help. They’d rather hold on a little longer. They’d rather not be a burden.

Seeking help is not a weakness

This is perhaps the most important sentence in this article: Asking for help is not a weakness. It is the bravest thing one can do. And yet so many find it so difficult. Because we have learned to cope on our own. Because we are afraid of not being taken seriously. Because therapy spots are scarce and the path to them is arduous.

But there are ways. Even small ones. Even today.

What you can do today

You don’t have to wait until you have a therapy spot to start taking better care of yourself. Small steps count:

• Let go of perfectionism. Good enough is often really good enough. Not everything has to be perfect, and certainly not you.

• Practice self-compassion. How would you talk to a good friend who is going through what you’re going through? Try to be that way with yourself, too.

• Set boundaries. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Some things can be delegated. Some things can simply wait.

• Take real breaks. Not as a reward, but as a basic need. Me-time isn’t a luxury—it’s necessary so that you can be there for others at all.

And if you realize that this alone isn’t enough anymore: Get help. From your family doctor, through therapie.de, or through the telephone counseling service (free, anonymous, 24/7: 0800 111 0 111). You don’t have to carry this burden alone.

Loving yourself as much as you love your own children

One of the most powerful thoughts that keeps coming up in this context: We would never treat our children the way we sometimes treat ourselves. We would tell them that they are good enough. That they deserve breaks. That they are loved—just because, without having to prove themselves.

What if we tried to do the same for ourselves?

Want more? Glow Up Your Life!

If this topic resonates with you, check out “this episode” of Glow Up Your Life. In it, Katja Burkardt speaks openly and without sugarcoating with Philipp Ruland—psychotherapist and trauma expert—about mental load, warning signs, self-compassion, and the courage to seek help. An honest conversation that meets many women exactly where they are right now.

Who is Philipp Ruland? Philipp Ruland is a psychotherapist, trauma expert, and someone who knows what he’s talking about. He himself experienced a difficult childhood and turned it into a source of strength that he now brings to his work with people. He speaks clearly, without jargon, and with a genuine understanding of what it means to be vulnerable and keep going anyway. That’s exactly what makes him the right person for this conversation.

This episode is available on all major podcast platforms:

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