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Apr 29, 2026

What you should know before the wedding—and might regret not knowing afterward

Getting married is wonderful. Romantic, exciting, full of hope. But marriage is also a legal transaction. And anyone who ignores that may end up paying a high price, often only years or decades later.

In Germany, one in three marriages ends in divorce. On average, it lasts 15 years. These aren’t numbers meant to scare you. But they are a reason to get informed before you say “I do”—or even afterward, if you haven’t already.

Why divorce is still a taboo subject

People who get divorced don’t like to talk about it. The feeling of failure runs deep, especially if you’ve fought long and hard for the relationship. Yet in many cases, divorce isn’t a failure, but a courageous decisionto take control of your own life again.

What many people don’t know: A breakup can feel worse than a death. You lose not only your partner, but the entire life you had imagined. And yet, or perhaps precisely because of this, it is important to think clearly at this moment and protect yourself legally.

The most common mistake: Knowing nothing and doing nothing

Anyone considering a separation should first get informed before the separation is officially announced. That may sound cold, but it’s crucial.

Because: Anyone who leaves the home in haste loses their legal claim to it after six months. Anyone who doesn’t know what financial entitlements they are entitled to cannot claim them. And anyone who believes that a joint lawyer for both sides is a good idea is fundamentally mistaken. There is no such thing as a joint lawyer for spouses. Everyone needs their own legal representation.

The most important rule is therefore: Get informed before you act.

What Really Happens in a Divorce

Many people have a vague idea of what a divorce entails. The reality is more complex:

The separation year is mandatory in Germany. Before a petition for divorce can be filed, the spouses must have lived apart for at least one year. This is also possible while living under the same roof, provided they can demonstrate that they maintain separate households.
Pension rights equalization is automatically carried out with every divorce. All pension entitlements acquired during the marriage are divided. This happens ex officio, without the need for any action on your part.
Equalization of accrued gains and post-marital support, on the other hand, must be actively applied for. Anyone who is unaware of this may lose entitlements to which they would otherwise be entitled.

The costs of a divorce are based on the joint net income of both spouses. As a rough guide: With a combined monthly net income of 5,000 euros, total costs of around 3,500 euros are realistic if only the divorce itself and the pension rights equalization are being settled. Court costs are shared by both spouses; attorney fees are borne by the party who retained the attorney.

Those who cannot afford the costs have the option of applying for legal counseling assistance or legal aid.

The prenuptial agreement: Not unromantic, but smart

Anyone who enters into a prenuptial agreement does not assume that the marriage will fail. Just as anyone who buckles up does not assume they will get into an accident. It is simply a precaution.

Nevertheless, prenuptial agreements still carry negative connotations in Germany. This has historical reasons: For a long time, they were primarily demanded by the economically stronger partner—usually the man—to protect themselves. That has changed. Today, a prenuptial agreement is a tool for both parties.

What goes into it is individual and depends on one’s life situation. Someone who stays at home and cares for children needs different arrangements than someone who is building their own business. Fundamentally, it is important for women to ask themselves: Where would I be if I hadn’t gotten married and had no children? This gap—that is, the financial difference between the two scenarios—is what should be protected.

Even those who have been married for a long time can still enter into a prenuptial agreement or amend an existing one. It is never too late to clearly settle matters.

Poverty in old age affects women – and it’s no coincidence

One in five women in Germany is affected by poverty in old age. This is not fate; it is the result of decades of invisible work, reduced working hours due to childcare, financial dependence on a partner, and a lack of financial security in the event of a separation.

Women who reduce their hours or give up their jobs entirely while married pay a long-term price for this, one that often only becomes apparent in old age. That is exactly why it is so important to talk about money early on, including within a partnership. And that is exactly why women should always have a minimum level of financial independence.

Grey Divorce: When women start over at 60

A trend that is clearly emerging in the statistics: More and more women are getting divorced later in life. This is called “grey divorce.”

The reason is obvious. Anyone who, at 60, still has 25 or 30 years of life ahead of them thinks differently about whether they really want to spend that time in a relationship that no longer works. Women, who are more financially independent than previous generations, are drawing this conclusion more often today. This is not a failure. It is self-determination.

What Comes After Divorce

Divorce itself is an emotional moment. Many describe it as the end of an era, even if the separation had long since taken place. But what comes after often surprises people in a positive way.

Because something happens in the time between the separation and the divorce hearing: people change. Women make plans, discover new strengths, and build a new life for themselves. And hardly anyone looks back and says they would want to undo it. Not even those who were left behind.

Divorce parties, burning the wedding dress, celebrating with friends in front of the courthouse: what has long been a tradition in the U.S. is also becoming increasingly popular in Germany. And why not? Anyone who has been through a difficult journey deserves to celebrate.

What you can take away from this

Three things worth keeping in mind:

First: Do your research before you act. Knowledge protects. Ignorance costs.

Second: A prenuptial agreement is not a vote of no confidence. It is a sign that you take yourself and your future seriously.

Third: Women are allowed to be who they are. Whether dressed in pink or a pantsuit, whether a single parent or newly married. No one should reduce you to a stereotype, and no one should belittle you.

Interested? Glow Up Your Life!

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, feel free to listen to the latest episode “Divorce Talk Before the Wedding” from Glow Up Your Life. In it, Katja Burkardt talks with Saskia Schlemmer about everything women should know before, during, and after a divorce—from prenuptial agreements and gray divorce to how to navigate a separation fairly and with as little emotional damage as possible.

Saskia Schlemmer is a lawyer known as “the divorce lawyer,” even far beyond her law firm. With a strong social media presence, she makes family law accessible to everyone and speaks plainly about topics that many would rather keep quiet about. Her book has a title that says it all: The Book You Should Have Read Before Your Wedding.

This episode is available on all major podcast platforms:

Apr 29, 2026